Seven Things That I Learned This Year

1. I have to schedule exercise and prayer time on my calendar or chances are it won't happen.

I have Google calendar set up for pop up reminders on my phone.  These pop ups have been welcomed reminders for me.  If I get off my routine because of sickness or earlier than normal drives to meetings, then I have that reminder on my phone that stays there until I clear it.

2.  I've noticed that I always feel peaceful and calm when I'm staying at a nice hotel or renting a vacation place. 

I've figured out that the reason is the rooms are free of clutter and have been cleaned.  I have been working on a cleaning and decluttering plan for this sense of peace and calm in my life.

3. Pandora has a Christian Contemporary Christmas station.

Christmas music during Advent made me very anxious this year.  I had three unexpectedly very busy weeks leading into the first week of December.  In trying to process all that I went through, I had to put off the thoughts of preparing for Christmas.  

However, when I went into stores, Christmas music was playing and subconsciously, it was letting me know that I wasn't ready for Christmas.  Even our local Christian music station was playing Christmas songs 24/7.  The Christian Contemporary Christmas station played songs written by Christian musicians and they weren't necessarily on the Christmas Top 40.  It helped me to slow down and breathe and focus on Christ.

4. It is worth the time to send someone a positive note.

As a society, we are quick to give negative feedback when we are angry but not as quick to give positive feedback when we are happy.  I've been trying to change that.  It takes time and effort to write a quick note.  Now that I've seen and heard how that note has affected the receiver, it's made me realize that it is time well spent.

5. Follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit even if it makes you uncomfortable.

I'm very much an introvert. I don't like going out of my comfort zone.  A few times this year, I was prompted to invite people to church.  I had such an inner battle going on but I did as prompted and felt peace afterwards.  The invitations were not accepted.  However, I found that the more I extended the invitations, the easier it was for me.  What use to be very uncomfortable is now just a little uncomfortable.

6. Not everyone decorates for Christmas elaborately as Americans do.

I subscribe to Country Living UK on Feedly.  As I read about their Christmas decorations and read through the Scandinavian décor blogs,  I realized how simple the decorations were - a Christmas tree, some fresh greenery, homemade garland.  I think there is some wisdom in this simple way of decorating.  It is giving me something to think long and hard on. 

7. A jingling johnny is a percussion instrument.

I never heard of a jingling johnny until this year. Who knew this instrument had a name?  I first saw the jingling johnny about two years ago in Rend Collective's video for "Build Your Kingdom Here."    If I was in a band, I could totally see myself using the jingling johnny.

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

Today is the last day of the O Antiphons.  I sit here, purposely, carving out time to ponder this moment.  I have the candles lit to help me feel the peace and calm that I am desperately seeking.  These four weeks of Advent plus the three weeks prior have seemed more like Lent. This is the holy moment I have been craving for four weeks but not finding.

I have put my self above God. I have put my needs for my expectations over what God needs of me.  As I slowly let go of control, I quickly grabbed onto God's hand and held tightly.  I listened to praise and praise music, Advent music and tried to remember to pray the Liturgy of the Hours throughout the day.  When I did that, I felt peace in my heart. I felt God.

Emmanuel.

God with us.

God with me.

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

For it was you who formed my inward parts;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes beheld my unformed substance.
In your book were written
all the days that were formed for me,
when none of them as yet existed.
 Psalm 139:13-16

Daughter,

While you sat on the doctor's table swinging your size four feet and smiling that wonderful smile this morning, I smiled back at you.  We were both being brave for the other.  You try to be brave so much.  I see you how you put up that front.  I can tell.  I see it in your eyes.  A mother just knows.  It must be hard to see your two sisters, only minutes older than you, not have to face the same challenges as you.  

The day I entered the hospital was the day I was told there was great concern for you.  I prayed and I prayed.  As the machines whirred and beeped, I breathed slow, deep breaths and I prayed.  The rhythm of the machines had such a calming effect on me.  I prayed to the One who made you in His image. I offered every moment of every day in that hospital for you and for your sisters.  I was doing all that I knew to do.  When I surrendered my will to God, I had the most unbelievable peace.  I knew that no matter what happened, God was with me and He would see me through.  

Six days later, you and your sisters were born.  You were born from prayer and into this world you were greeted with prayer. We knew you needed a special name.  We picked Strength, daughter.  We knew you were going to need all the strength you could muster to make it through.  And make it through, you did!  

For a number of years we were living gloriously carefree of doctor visits.  Now we are back and things are different for both of us this time.  We both hear the whirring and the beeping.  Those machines still have that calming effect on me.  I take deep, long breaths and pray as you go through tests.  As I pray and relax, I know it's going to be fine.  I know deep down that it's going to be fine.  

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

God has a plan for you, daughter.  

Coffee for Your Heart - You're Loved

You're loved.  Wholly. As you are. You may not believe it.  You may feel unlovable. You may think that you're unworthy.  You are worthy.  

For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. - John 3:16

Let's read that verse again.  

For God so loved (insert your name) that He gave His only begotten Son so that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. - John 3:16

You're loved. God wants you to believe that. He really loves you.  He wants you to spend eternity with Him. He sent His Son to die for you, for me, so that we will always be with Him. Always. 

Grab a cup of coffee and see what words Holley has to say over at Coffee for Your Heart. 

Five Minute Friday - See

Taste and see that the Lord is Good.  That's what I think.  Then the next thought is I see the Lord is good but does he see that about me.  I always worry about what others think but not as often as I wonder about what the lord  thinks about me.  It's time to starting thinking about that more.  What does the Lord see in me?  What is it that makes Him love me for who I am?

One of the things that I like to do for quiet time is go to Eucharistic Adoration.  I just love gazing at Jesus.  I just never thought of Him gazing at me during that time too.  Taste and see...

I see so many people through out the day but I don't often look at them in the eyes.  If I did, I wonder what I would really see.  Would I see hurt, anger, joy?  That's something that I will work on.   See them as Jesus sees them.  Perhaps I wouldn't worry so much about what people think about me but more on what do people see.  Do people see Jesus in me?

Encouragement for Today -

Last year was a year of unexpected twists and turns in my motherhood journey.  I really struggled to find a balance with meeting my needs to get through the journey and meeting my children's needs as they made the journey too.  I got further and further into Scripture and found so much wisdom there.  As 2013 came to a close, I thought about what I hoped for myself and others in 2014.  'Tis an old Irish blessing passed down many, many generations that I'd like to share. ;-)   

May you know the love of family and friends, may you find the peace of Christ and may you laugh so hard and so often that you need Depends. 

Join others on Wednesdays at Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart Challenge.

Five Minute Friday - Fight

Fight.  I really hate that word.   It just brings up images of bloody lips and yelling.  Ugh.

But there is something that I just realized.  I'm always fighting.  Maybe not with words and bloody lips but with living a life that looks like a magazine.  And you know... it just doesn't seem worth it.  Cause what I'm really fighting is myself and it shows in my disorganization and in my attitude and in my lifestyle.  I'm fighting who I really am meant to be with who I think the world wants me to be.  Or rather perhaps it me fighting who I really am with the perception of who I think the world wants me to be.  So right now, I'm taking off my boxing gloves, wiping away the sweat and I'm going to stop fighting myself. God wants me to be me.  The real me.  Not the perception of who I think everyone else wants to see.

This is going to be hard.  One thing I know is that with God on my side, the fight will be over. This will be more like a journey.  An adventure where you don't know where you are quite going but when the mountain is steep and the valley is deep, God is there.  He is there walking beside me.  He is there pushing me up the mountain and walking deep in the valley  He is there.